So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
