Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
