Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
