you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize