yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
