i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
