If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
