It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
