just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
