Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
