There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I have fence marks all over my body
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize