that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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