I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
