so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
