Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
