In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
