If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
