Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
