i jhust puked up my retainher.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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