Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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