see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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