im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I will be naked everywhere
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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