Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
