The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
