he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
