This is not my ceiling
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
