I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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