So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
dude. I can hear the air.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
