so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
