false alarm. still invincible.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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