two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
