he was CRYING into my vagina
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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