Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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