No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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