I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
