I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
