Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Randomize
