Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
