Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize