Christians are straight up FREAKS
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
