I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
