my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
