just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
