Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
