Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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