I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize