I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
