I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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