eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
