How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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