oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
So much rum. So many feels.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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