so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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