sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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