We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
