just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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