The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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