i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
