I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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