tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
