Apparently you make a good broom.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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