just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We left the knife in your bed.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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