Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
