please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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