my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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