i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
