Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
