Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
