can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Randomize
