oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
