If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
