How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
50% drunk capacity currently
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
