Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
