So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
