walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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